The Frills Don't Matter

Zoe's "girly modern" Nursery
Originally uploaded by The Doe or the Deer

I've realized that the frills don't matter.
It doesn't matter that we don't have a proper nursery for her, or a proper cot, or a fancy changing table.
It doesn't matter if I have not prepared a black and white picture of her big brother hanging in a frame on the wall across from where she sleeps. Or a cute mobile over her (since she'll be sleeping on my bed). Or get the apartment absolutely immaculate and totally ready for her arrival.
I think it matters to her that she knows exactly how much we love her. It matters that we feed her exactly when she's hungry, change her when she's wet and cuddle her tight all the time. It matters a lot that we'll be there in a heartbeat, to hold her, whenever she calls.
I think those really matters to her.
I should put it in perspective and not worry so much about not being ready for Emma. 'Cos by God's grace I believe all three of us are ready for her.
It doesn't matter if we can't afford fancy decorations. It would be nice if we can. But if not, it's perfectly fine. Emma's all that matters.
The frills don't matter.

baby Delivery

Maibel the Mouse
Originally uploaded by J.Chin

How do I describe this feeling of expectation?

As the D-day inch ever closer, I am full of anticipation. I can’t wait to see her. Also, the nights are getting sleepless, the leg cramps catching up (so painful!), the breathlessness, etc, etc.

I am enjoying listening to Mozart for Mothers-to-be CD (available from www.amazon.com) as I work on my laptop. I listen to it especially at night to help me go to sleep.
But of the day of delivery, who am I to say what it’s gonna be like? I had caesarean before. What will the contraction feel like? Oh, dear.
My sister (who had two boys) says it’s nice and she would like to enjoy it again. Yaiks. I think she meant for me to treasure it because it’s a once in a lifetime experience.
Right.

I find myself dreading it and yet can’t wait for it at the same time. I believe it’s gonna be wonderful, one way or the other.

I’ve been thinking about it, praying about it, trusting it all to the Lord of hosts. He is and will be in control.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psalm 18:2 NIV)

The more I think and pray about it, the more I know, that it would not be me who will deliver my baby girl. It would be the Lord. He will open the way, He will provide the way. I should not be afraid. He who is in control over the farthest star and over the smallest atom, He will be in control over my baby’s delivery.

He is my Deliverer. In Him I will take refuge as I count my days down. Oh yeah.

Pregnant Ladies in the Bible

Being pregnant gives me a certain perspective on how some Bible characters must have experienced. When we were passing christmas three months ago, my heart went out to Mary. How tiring it must have been, even just riding on a donkey for a few hours. Let alone all the way from Nazareth to Bethlehem.

Later on I was doing Bible study on Sara who had been waiting for the promised Isaac so long. I could feel her anticipation and happiness. Usually my mind just skipped right to the delivery. But this time it occured to me how long they still have to wait. The day to day pregnancy, etc, for over 9 months. Sara was 90 years old. How they must have trusted in God’s promises, that God will carry the baby through despite the impossibility of such an old lady being pregnant. And what about the prospect of giving birth?

Rebekah too, was struggling with the twin babies jostling inside of her (Esau and Jacob). Right now I am enjoying my girl’s kicking and turning around in my tummy. Sometimes it is very hard and persistent, to the delight of her dad and big koko (brother in chinese). But it’s always fun. How terrible and worrying it must have been for Rebekah to have the babies fight inside her tummy. Maybe she thought something had gone wrong somewhere. After all she didn’t know there were twins (no ultrasound machine, yet). She prayed and God answered her that there were two inside her womb.

At 7 months I had my first ever contraction that I have ever experienced. With my first child there was never a contraction, he had to be delivered immediately by caesarean procedure due to the baby not moving for 12 hours already. So when I had my contraction last Sunday I did not recognize it immediately.

I guess I was just too tired after an especially busy two weeks. Anyway, my hubby rushed me home from Sunday School (I had to leave all my little kids in class to my partner, thank God for her!). All is well after I rested. But my, on a scale of 1 to 10 it felt like a 3 only. Yet it was bad enough for me. What of the real thing?

I will just trust in the Lord. Oh, baby, wait for your time. Do not come early. I want you healthy, gal.

***

***

19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,c saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”
c Samuel sounds like the Hebrew for heard of God.
The Holy Bible : New International Version. Grand Rapids : Zondervan, 1996, c1984, S. 1 Sa 1:19-20

My hero

Pink Baby Shoes
Originally uploaded by J.Chin

Nathan is very protective of me. So nice to see him suddenly all grown up like that. When we get on a bus and there are no seats, he would glance at me in concern and looked around for seats. He would glare, yes, glare, at the not so old and definitely not pregnant people sitting on the special seats reserved for pregnant women, old people and disabled. I almost couldn't hide my smile.

"Mum, those seats were reserved for you," he whispered indignantly once, before I look as round as I am today. I put my arms around him with a grateful smile.

"Yes, honey, but how would they know? I don't look it yet."

"You should wear a sign that says you're pregnant," he retorted. I laughed. He didn't. He was quite serious.

Then when it's almost our stop, he would call upon me. He would step off the bus slowly with one of his arms stretched out toward me, like I usually do, to make sure the bus did not suddenly close its door on me.

What a sweet little son he is. Not so little anymore.

Oh, I pray he would be a wonderful big brother. I think he would be. I already told him, "Do you know that all little sisters adore their big brothers as heroes?" "Yes, I know," he replied smugly. Yes, he has always been my hero. How blessed my daughter would be, to have him as a big brother and a hero. I wish I had one like him myself.

moving

Moving house is hard work.
Moving house with a pregnant wife is an even harder work.

I had a bit of trouble with my pregnancy. Just a tiny bit. But the doctor, of course, did not let me carry anything during the move. I still managed to do some stuff, but my husband is very protective of me. I basically just alternate between resting, cooking and a bit of cleaning at the new place.

It was God's grace that the new landlord gave us the keys two weeks in advance. She didn't even know I was pregnant at the time. Because of this we can move slowly over these two week period. We are truly thankful.

My hubby had been such a super hero. He shuttles back and forth with loads in his back and his hands. Sometimes he pulls them in a suitcase, sometimes on a trolley, wobbling the almost a mile walk to our new apartment, every day now during the chinese new year holidays and weekends. He still managed to have lunch and dinner with us, though.

Our mover comes tomorrow with a big truck. We hope not to use more than a truckload because it's quite a cost.

In all things, my Father is looking out for me and my family. I'm so grateful.

The Wonder of Ultrasonography

Today we went for checkup again at our ob-gyn office. Again the doctor used ultrasonography and this time, at 12th week, I saw my baby ever so clearly!

She used to be just a tiny pea-sized heartbeat. But in three weeks since we last saw her, she has grown twice as much. She is now 4.6cm from the head to the rump.

As the doctor, my husband and myself watched, she was lying on her belly. Then to our delight she turned facing up. Then turning left and right, too, so that I could even see her oval face with two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Her chin was pointy.

Her tiny arms and legs were there. At one point we saw her moving her arms about in front of her. I couldn't believe how active she was in my tummy at this stage. Now everytime I think about her, I can know that she is not just a 'plant' growing in me. She is a person! She moves about and just simply enjoying herself in there.

Of course we still don't know whether it's a boy or a girl. I'm just referring it to a she here for practical reasons. :P

I can't imagine anyone aborting her baby at this stage. And yet some people still abort their baby even up to 20 weeks into pregnancy for whatever reasons. It's murder. Plain and simple. :(

I love my baby and looking at her with the ultrasound truly made me even more aware of this.
If you are pregnant, seek ultrasonography as early as possible. The doctor said it develops a bond between parents and the baby. He couldn't be more right.

The Lord bless you.

Trusting in my Father in Heaven

So yesterday we found out my son contracted HFMD (hand foot mouth disease). It's a deadly disease caused by virus that usually affect children.
Thank God the doctor says, for his case it will go away after a week.

But the thing is I'm almost 3 months pregnant. As all pregnant people know, chicken pox or rubella virus, etc, is fatal for foetuses.
The doctor said that as long as I don't get it, the baby would not be in danger.

So now we are keeping my 9 year old in his room, contented and happy with room service (by his dad). Thank God it is holiday also, no school.

At first I was worried sick because I am very close to my son. Just a half hour before we found the red dots on his palms and soles of his feet, I was hugging him. Surely I might get infected!

That night my husband prayed for the joy of the Lord to be my strength.
I stood up after that prayer much strengthened. The Lord's joy is a powerful thing indeed.

I reminded myself that He is my shield. He is my baby's shield also, as He forms him/her in the most secret place of the earth, in my womb! He who is in control over every molecule in this universe is in control over those viruses. He knows what is best for me and my family.

Thy will be done. Whatever happens, this baby is His.

Genesis 15:1
After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision:
“Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,a
your very great reward.b”
a Or sovereign
b Or shield; your reward will be very great
The Holy Bible : New International Version. Grand Rapids : Zondervan, 1996, c1984, S. Ge 15:1

a new life

We have not planned for this bundle of joy, but the Lord did.

For a long time we prayed for God's time, to have another child.
We didn't think it was God's time yet.
My son thought it was time. So he started to pray this year.
The Holy Spirit puts it into my heart to pray also along with him.
Then, He prepared my hubby's heart.
So when I found out about this new life in me, my hubby was not surprised. He was overjoyed!
My son was ecstatic.
What a miracle. Unplanned, but planned all along by God from eternity.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
The Holy Bible : New International Version. Grand Rapids : Zondervan, 1996, c1984, S. Ps 139:13-16

Praise the Lord.